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Ms. Anjali Rege & Kamal Surany


My thoughts on adoption were very positive much before I had considered adopting a child so far as to know that I would like to bring home a little girl. The immediate family - my parents, mother-in-law and siblings were also very supportive and provided the basic infrastructure for the child.

 

As a novice in handling infants my handling of Aditi must have been restrictive for her since I held her tight for fear of dropping her. She was much more comfortable with my husband who handled children much more easily. Gradually she adapted to my method of carrying and felt more at ease. She laughed a lot and hardly cried.

As she got older, she has grown more and more demanding and more and more possessive of all of us. All our roles in her life are fixed now and she needs one person to feed her, one to tie her hair, one to buy her sweets, and me to sleep with her at nights.


"It is not the child's job to bond to his or her new adoptive parent but the new adoptive parent's job to convince a child they are worth bonding to."

 

She was six months old when she came home - to a house full of adults who had forgotten the chaos with a child at home. Aditi would talk to the TV - she thought all the figures were talking to her. She would beg all our staff at the office to carry her and learnt to talk very fast. She never lisped or stumbed over difficult words and has I think a vocabulary much beyond an average 5 year old.

Her proficiency in languages extends to her being fluent in 4 of them. She is now learning to read and write. She also runs very fast and every year for the last 3 years has won prizes for running in school.

This has not deterred her from being a naughty child and I hear that she is punished everyday in school for talking to her neighbours and walking around in snacktime instead of eating her snacks. The snacks are eaten by her friends in the van on the way home.


Parties and games are now a regular part of her life and my schedule involves dropping and picking up or waiting while the children play games. New games are added everyday and we have to play the games according to her rules which are bent to suit her whims.


Queries from people on who is the favourite parent always elicit a very tactful response from her - unless she is in a mischievious mood and wants to play favourites. She always can bend her dad around her little finger and all the discipline is left to the mum.

Though she has no understanding of what is adoption - she can recognise that it is a part of her life and our lives and knows all the people we meet in that circle. Family meets become a mad scramble of exhuberant children and anxious parents.

The Adoptive Parents Association has proved a great help for all of us in providing a forum for likeminded people and for children to have a peer group for when they will need it. Right now they have no doubts or questions about their past, their biological parentage or how they found their adoptive parents. It is a story for them - let us hope that it remains a fairy tale all the way.

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